The Truth
INBRED YOKELS REJOICE!
This went over so well last week that I thought I would use it
again. So what do they have to rejoice
about this week? Junior did not suck,
that is one. No right turns, that is
two. Kurt Busch can no longer turn his car;
that is three. The usual parade returns
at
I am always excited when race day comes for several reasons. First, I love racing. Second, people leave me the hell alone. Third, I can drink a little too much because people are leaving me alone and cannot tell I have had too much to drink. Fourth, the SCC board gets REALLY irritating. It is the retarded version of Big Brother as the usual suspects pop up asking for advice on whom to change on their pathetic teams only to ignore it. “Should I pick Kyle Petty or Derrick Cope as my last driver?” If these are your choices, do all of us a favor and stop playing. You are too dumb to grasp this simple game. Perhaps a game of Cootie would be more up your alley? Then, just when I least expect it, someone always raises the bar to the next level of stupidity, and this week takes the cake. Everybody’s favorite whipping boy 14Sterling, who is to Denny Hamlin what Marty Smith is to Junior, decides to celebrate the death of Senior, which by itself makes him an ass clown, and then follows up with a wish that Carl Edwards do the same to Junior. Now in case you could not tell, I am no big fan of Junior, but calling for his death makes you King of the Morons. Great thinking there, Adolf.
For the second straight week, the Busch race outdoes the Cup race. They were both on par to go down as two of the least memorable races of the year, but Carl Edwards decided to become Tony Stewart. I will recap for those living under a rock (see the above yokels)—Robby Gordon gets Edwards aero-loose in turn two to attempt a pass for the lead. Junior is doing his usual rim-riding against the wall and gets into the back of a bobbling Edwards coming off of two, spinning him out. Different arguments have come out about this saying Junior could have gotten out of the gas, all was good because it was on the second-to-last lap, whatever. I do not care who in the hell it is or what lap you are on, getting out of the gas after a single-file restart spells disaster. Somewhere behind you, whether it is the next car or twenty-four cars back, cars are going to start wrecking. Plus, when you are racing, getting out of the gas is one of the last things you are thinking about. Junior did NOTHING wrong!!! If you think he did, “here’s your sign”.
All of this makes Carl’s upper lip get tense over his horse
teeth and he decides he is going to be a big boy and smash into the side of
Junior’s car. Hey Carl! That’s bush-league (not you, S_M_Gordon)! Even Jeffie Poo got out of his car and
confronted Kenseth face to face at
What happens next amazed me—Junior’s own fans booed him. You cannot hate the guy for racing for the win and doing what every other driver including Pussy Edwards would have done. Boo him for failing to live up to your expectations by being an average driver on an average team, but do not boo him for racing the way you are supposed to race at an aero track. I have to think that those booing were not the Senior fans that followed the name; it was those Johnny-come-lately bandwagon jumpers who became NASCAR fans because someone told them it was cool. Somebody should smack you with a track bar, but you literally would not know one if it hit you.
Now we all know what happens in the real world if you break the rules under probation—you go to jail. In the NASCAR world, you get super double probation. Way to stick it to Carl, meaner, tougher NASCAR! A $20,000 fine too! Way to show him you mean business! Let me tell you something, if you want drivers to stop acting like two-year-olds, you have to treat them like two-year-olds. Time outs work real well for children, so park them for a race. The points hit will drive the point home—do not act like a douche bag out there! Keep the car on the sidelines too so the owners collect no points as well so they check their drivers too. Points are all that matter so that is what you have to penalize. If you do not want to piss off the sponsors, you can still let the driver and the car race, just for no points. You get a big fat zero for your effort. Toss in any prize money they win on the fine as well. They can race for the sponsors and nothing else. This probation bullshit is just that.
Unfortunately, the Cup race had none of this
excitement. The ten cars who handled
best at the top of the track finished in the top ten, the rest that handled
best at the bottom made up the rest of the field. All the talk of
One thing I found very amusing was Kurt Busch calling himself “Controversy Kurt” in the prerace show because of his pitting screw up at Watkins Glen. Funny, I thought his name was “Can’t Drive a Dodge Kurt”?
Usually, I pay little attention to the Cingular Wireless question of the week, but this week the question asked how many Lucky Dogs should a driver be allowed per race? FIFTY PERCENT of those voting chose “unlimited”. Guess 50% of Cingular’s customers are idiots.
Finally, in this week’s Benny Parson’s watch we find Benny at home where he should be resting and recuperating. I am not saying he should be there resting and recuperating, I am saying he should just be at home where I do not have to listen to him. Can’t handle it? Tough shit, it’s THE TRUTH!!!!