The Truth

 

 

            I know you are asking yourself, “Self, why would a rabid Bears fan take time out of a Super Bowl run to write his first article in over three months?”  Here is what got my NASCAR blood up—I was sitting on my couch watching Sean Salisbury, et. al. making fools out of themselves by proclaiming that the Saints were going to treat the Bears like the high school team Dennis Green thought they were when I glanced down and noticed my drink needed refreshing.  I hauled myself into the kitchen when what to my wondering ears should appear but the opening of one of the five greatest rock songs ever recorded—AC/DC’s For Those About to Rock (We Salute You).  I tripped over one cat just to step on the other on my way back to the living room when my eyes beheld stock cars being rolled out onto pit road while drivers prepared in the garage and fans raised the flags of their chosen drivers.  A chill ran up my spine and every hair on my Cro Magnon body stood on end.  As the commercial concluded, I scrambled for the remote to rewind and watch it again.  Same response, so I did it again.  Same response, so I did it again.  Same response, you get the drift.  After about the 11th time, I came to the conclusion that ESPN had come up with a rallying cry on par with the first time each summer you hear, “Are you ready for some football?”  At this point, watching retards break down the NFC Championship Game matchups gave way to these ponderings about the upcoming NASCAR season:

 

1)      The elephant in the room, Toyota.  In 1919, a colt by the name of Man O’ War took to the gates for the first time.  By the time he retired sixteen months later, he had won 20 of 21 starts, a record.  His only loss came as a two year old whom history calls “the appropriately named Upset.”  But you see, Upset was not appropriately named, it is where the term “upset victory” comes from.  Dale Jarrett was 8th in Daytona testing in his Camry, and not only would a Daytona 500 win for Toyota in the gates for the first time be an Upset victory, it would upset Detroit and a lot of NASCAR’s fan base.  Stay tuned for the outcome.

2)      The baby elephant in the room, the Car of Tomorrow.  I really wish they had come up with a different name for it because it is going to look real stupid on the Monday morning after the spring Bristol race to read, “Kevin Harvick Wins Yesterday’s Race In Car of Tomorrow”.  At some point, you cannot call it that anymore.  Now that there are some painted and decaled versions of it to look at, it pretty much looks like a “stock” racecar.  When 43 of them take to the track, it is going to look like a race between 43 “stock” racecars.  Keep in mind when you hear Old Fan-NASCAR Haters hollering about how this is going to ruin NASCAR, Bobbie Jo from Kinscrew, North Cackalacky had her nipples get hard when Cousin Cletus spray painted a white #8 on the side of his International Tractor.  They won’t care when a professional NASCAR team does it up “real nice-like.”  And when they do not have to sit through the eighth showing of the dopey “aero-push” graphics Fox put together anymore and can watch cars actually race near each other on speedways, nobody will mind a bit.

3)      Jimmie Johnson, Matt Kenseth, Denny Hamlin, and Kevin Harvick.  Since the start of the Chase era, no defending champion has finished higher than 8th in the standings the following year (Kenseth 8th in 2004, Busch 10th in 2005, Stewart 11th in 2006).  During that same time, the final position of the next year’s Champion has climbed closer to the top (Busch 11th in 2003, Stewart 6th in 2004, Johnson 5th in 2005).  If the streak stays intact, Kenseth, Hamlin, or Harvick will be hoisting the Nextel Cup in November.

4)      The new Chase format.  When I first saw it, I thought, “What the f*#k?!”  Then upon further review, I realized that it deserves the name “Stewart Rule”.  First off, the 400 point stipulation is gone and the top 12 are in the Chase, at least until another big sponsor’s driver finishes 13th and they change it to the top 14 for a little extra cushion.  Now the goofy stuff—at the start of the Chase, all 12 drivers’ points will be set at 5000 plus 10 points for each race won in the first 26.  The winner of each race also gets a base of 185 points, which is 5 more than last year’s 180.  Not enough in my opinion, but at least there is a little more emphasis on wins.  Here’s how the Chase would have started last year under these rules:

1)      Kasey Kahne 5050 (started 10th the “old” way)

2)      Matt Kenseth 5040 (1st)

2)      Jimmie Johnson 5040 (2nd)

4)   Kevin Harvick 5030 (3rd)

5)      Denny Hamlin 5020 (5th)

5)      Jeff Gordon 5020 (9th)

5)   Tony Stewart 5020 (11th)

8)      Kyle Busch 5010 (4th)

8)      Junior 5010 (6th)

8)      Greg Biffle 5010 (12th)

11)  Mark Martin 5000 (7th)

12)  Jeff Burton 5000 (8th)

Here are the final standings from last year if it was done this year’s way:

1)      Johnson 6475 (1st last year’s way as well)

2)      Stewart 6459 (11th)

3)      Kenseth 6409 (2nd)

4)      Harvick 6397 (4th)

5)      Hamlin 6397 (3rd)

6)      Junior 6313 (5th)

7)      Gordon 6266 (6th)

8)      Kahne 6233 (8th)

9)      Burton 6218 (7th)

10)  Martin 6148 (9th)

11)  Biffle 6051 (12th)

12)  Busch 6002 (10th)

Outside of The Home Depot benefiting from the “Stewart Rule”, the rest pretty much pan out the same.  In other words, unless someone benefits from the Stewart Rule, no matter what NASCAR does, the guys who run well the first 26 races of the year will rise back to the top after the last 10 races of the year.  I have not seen anywhere that the driver finishes 13th gets the million-dollar bonus, but if they are going to reward this shitty of a finish, it is a joke.

5)   Junior vs. Teresa—THE soap opera of the season.  Teresa fired the first shot in mid-December in an interview with the Wall Street Journal when she said, “Right now the ball's in [Junior’s] court to decide on whether he wants to be a NASCAR driver or whether he wants to be a public personality.”  No comment from Junior.  Kelley Earnhardt Elledge, Junior’s sister and negotiator, came back with this at the beginning of January in an interview with Sirius Satellite Radio—“We haven't been able to speak to Teresa about exactly what she meant with the statement but it is part of who he is and who he is as a race car driver but his number one focus is being competitive in that race car.  If he's not doing that he's not having fun and the rest of it doesn't matter to him.”  In the same interview she also added, “Well, we are continuing to negotiate with DEI and it is our hope and intent that we can remain a driver there for Dale Earnhardt Incorporated and to carry on what my dad has started in the late 90s but we haven't come to terms on anything yet.  It's our hope that we have something about mid-year that we can announce our direction and maybe even sooner if we can get things worked out.”  Notice she did not say anything about Teresa being part of starting DEI.  During testing at Daytona, Junior added, “I haven't talked to Teresa about what she said….  I figured if anything needed to be said she'd call me up and say it. But you know, my and her relationship definitely factor into my decision.”  The relationship, he proclaimed, "ain't a bed of roses."  He then indirectly referred to her absence from the track and admitted the most frustrating part about the upcoming season is his contract uncertainty.  This week, Kevin Harvick chimed in by saying in reference to Teresa, “It's hard when you have what I call a deadbeat owner that doesn't come to the racetrack.  Richard [Childress] is one of the best owners in the garage.  You always see Richard Childress.  You always see Chip Ganassi.  All these owners, they all come to the racetrack.  It's not just a money pit that somebody says, ‘Well, I can make money off of Dale Jr. I can make money off of Dale Earnhardt.’”  At a DEI dinner that night, Teresa made one introduction and left, leaving the commenting to Junior.  “I don't think there is a comment for that remark.”  That’s it?  No defense of Stepmother Teresa?  The next day he added something about her having to deal with his father’s autopsy photos, but it was pretty half-hearted.  Finally, Jeff Gordon added, “Junior is in the seat to be able to write his own ticket, he can do whatever he wants. He can go to any team, he can start his own team, he's got the sponsors who are going to back him, the fans that are going to back him.  He's really in the power position, and if Teresa is not recognizing that, then shame on her ... if she doesn't recognize that DEI will have a tough time surviving without Junior, I think she's making a big mistake.”  You can bet Toyota will be sniffing around this one all year.

 

There are topics galore out there if you look around for them, but these are the five that will garner the majority of the discussion.  This is the most transitional year in NASCAR since the death of Senior, mainly because of the addition of a non-American manufacturer and a full-time competitive foreign driver in Montoya but also because of a radically different car, a never-before-seen emphasis on winning, and the possible change of venue for NASCAR’s biggest star.  And with ESPN sticking its gossipy nose into the nightly NASCAR show mix, these topics will make everybody interested in the tabloid side of NASCAR extremely happy.  But for now, I am still ready for some football.  BEAR DOWN, CHICAGO BEARS!

 

The Fan